Tells of Toxic friendships.

I'm a very friendly introvert. Let's start there. I will hide from people like they're lepers, but once I get talking to one and a maximum of two, I get really friendly. But when the number of people in a conversation increase from two to three and above, I basically check out. Okay, I can handle three sometimes depending on the crowd but its still not my magic number.

Unfortunately for me, I've had a habit of attracting toxic female friends. Its been a central theme from boarding school all the way through college. You would think after boarding school with hundreds of girls, I would somehow learn. But not this girl! I love to see the best in people. I love to see beauty in everyone. I guess sometimes I focus on the beauty too long to take note of the ugliness.

So, this post is dedicated to all the heinous friendships I've had and what I've learned from them.

1. The submarine friendship.

Now this friendship is just abusive and wrong, but feels so right. It's the ghoster in your life. I've never gotten into the head of a ghoster so I never know why they do what they do. But its a pain in the ass.

So I have this friend I met early in college and she was like my sister. I was there for her maybe a little more than I needed to be. But I thought to myself "she needs me so why not?". The thing was, she was never ever there for me. I let that slide all through college because I'm an introvert and I hate making new friends lol.

She would ghost me for months on end and pop up with a present and apologies. And I let it happen. Carrot and stick. There were times I would call 6-10 times a day, frantic and worrying, making sure she was okay. Sometimes she wasn't, sometimes she was. If she wanted her privacy I would let her be. But she never gave me that courtesy. I'd never been ghosted before so it was really new to me. I would sit around waiting and anxious because she decided not to call or answer my calls. This has been going on for 6 years. But since I'm doing inventory I bet you she's about to be kicked out.

2. The secret hater.

This one I blame myself for because I saw all the signs of haterism. But I turned a blind eye. We ended up being roommates and that was the biggest mistake of my life. She actually told me I thought I was better than her. Insulted me in many different ways. Things got ugly quickly. Even tried to sue me. Now I know I wasn't perfect either but sue me? Really?

Anyway she couldn't comprehend someone like me. She probably held me up to a standard that I never even held myself to. Was it envy and jealousy? I'll never know. But if your friend tries to throw shade at you shining for no reason and constantly? Check them.

3. The gossip

This came from different friends.

First one basically spread a rumor that I was a snob in boarding school, told people I stole her money, and would use the fact that I cared about how people saw me to get what she wanted. I was a lot younger and impressionable, so this really affected me badly. She ended up leaving in the 9th grade. But she gave me someone invaluable, the will to slap females mouths shut.

The second is the BEST FRIEND to miss secret hater. Basically, she was messy. She would still spill secrets of miss hater to me after we stopped being friends. I couldn't trust that. I couldn't trust her. So I let her go. We don't need to hold on to bad friends ladies, the good ones always come.

4. The group of judges.

This applied to every single bad friendship listed above and I've ever had, period.

I've been misjudged and labeled for thinking differently, for seeing the world differently, for not conforming to what I thought I didn't need. I've even been judged that I judge too much. People want explanations for my weird behavior. But label me before I can give an explanation. And when I do they don't even believe me. So eventually I stopped trying.

Let the group of judges judge, I shall dance for them no longer!!!

So today, as you took the time to read, fermata and check your friendships. They might be draining your life and polluting your soul.

Have a good one!